To be continued

Another day I wake up and choose violence.
Getting up and throwing myself to battle.
A primitive civil war inside my head.

Let the silent canons loose at will.
Keeping it quiet about the injuries.
No one likes screams.
The blood still sells though.
So let it flow, let it show!

When, how, why did I enter this abyss? 
The trails goes on for long.

The weight of the world is trying to bring me down.
Or it must be Atlas. I started carrying him too.
I had to stop flying. So I started eating my wings.

Please don't ask me how am I!
Instead ask me where am I!
To the point.

The point when I reached a wall.
Can't climb, or break. Can't wait.
Time seems slower, but I age faster.
I see my remaining breath count reduced.

I am my breath. How much of me is left?
Do I have time for... What was the dream about?
Moved far away from Ithaka, drawn back violently.
Lady reality has no manners.
I... forget that there even was a dream.
Was there, or was it a dream after all?

Otherworldly in this transformation. Unsightly!
I switch to third person. I am time, so I see the futures.

A phoenix risen from the fire.
Or burned and buried in its ashes.

At least I took with me the answer to my question.
All now left is me. The answer to me.
And to prove it, only one task there is.
To be.

To be continued.

To be continued..


Παύλος (Pavlos) vlospa kasbe

L.I.F.E.

 Hello there. It's been a while, feels like forever yet it's just an insignificant small amount of time. Smaller than our importance in the cosmos.

 I'm getting tired, that's all. I guess. Tired of... Being tired. Of everything. But mostly myself and the world itself.

 I look outside the window to see the rest of the world, can't stand my face anymore (need a makeover quite some years now but that's another thing to talk about another time). And what do I see? What does anybody see?

 First of(f) i checked the window, it's clean as a whistle. Unlike us and our souls, or most of us at least.

 It's been something like 10 years now, i read Erich Fromm's "To have or to be" and i understood (where is my cookie?!) how this world functioned, how WE humans to be more accurate. Few wanted knowledge, most wanted full bookshelves, few wanted true fucking love, most (of us - me included 2 times) wanted lovers.

 The world was a collection of collection. Needed desires and desired needs, for most.

 Then i read "The society of the spectacle" by Guy Debord. No longer JUST the collection was enough, no. One needed to show his collection(s). Attention whores in an abyssal brothel competing for not customers but reactions, likes and stuff.

 Then I realized more about everyone's own world. (Personal) Worlds within (our) world. Pretty much nothing is worth doing or being, unless it's shown somewhere. True goal? To become viral.

 Other peoples acceptance and opinion started matter too damn much, more than... well pretty much all else.

 So there are some options. You follow that road. Or you go elsewhere, with the few black sheeps. Or screw you guys I'm going home (i focus on my world- not me-).

 But how healthy is it to cut ties with the rest of the world and just live on your own (world or delusion)? Then again one might wonder is following others the healthy way?

 So you go elsewhere. Which might start from anywhere but it will lead to certain realization(s), have you indeed gone elsewhere and not just somewhere away.

 So what could life be all about? L.I.F.E.* Death is also interesting topic, another time, again.

 Can't say I know, I am still wandering in my thoughts like a whisper in a storm. However i can dare to say it's all about nothing.

 Nothing matters. Not me and my problems, not you and your ideas, nor someone "important" and his important impact on the world. The cosmos will continue with out us just like it has so far before us.

 So why not just die already? No need to prolong the inevitable, right? Hmm... Can't say I agree. I mean we are given a certain amount of time, or more precicely time is given us. Time was here before and will be afterwards, we count a small amount of time, time counts all of our amount.

 Find something interesting, something to make you forget a while, not completely(!), while you live, to do. Nature, animals, humans, science... It's all about balance. Remeber to enjoy while it lasts, don't forget it will end, nothing lasts forever. And wait. Till the time comes. It will.


* Loathing Is For Everyone
Kinda dedicating this to the sick minded preachers of this world, declaring they promote a healthy way of life. Well ladies and gentlemen the you have it, i present a healthy way of death. :P


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

Sweet distraction

 Wandering the streets and wondering.
Maybe i don't carry a lamp but still...
Looking for humans.
Observing..
We breathe, have a pulse, thoughts and feelings.
But none of that matters.
Lost faith.
Life has never been fair. BIG news...
Need to keep focus. Focus on that, and.
The bell is ringing. Break time.
Happy for a while.
A comfortable lie.
Messes up my concentration.
My perception.
But luckily i escape.
Only i can fool myself.
And i fall back to the abyssal loop.
And remember to NOT lose focus.
Focus on "nothing matters".
Ask yourself in front of a mirror.
"What is important?"
Then ask the mirror.
"Why is it important?"
Got any answers?
Nah, huh?
Or did you activate your defense mechanisms?
To lose importance you must have it first.
Yet even importance is a human invention.


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

same ol' sick

 The game is, still, the s(h)ame. Evolved methods of  tricking ourselves playing it though. Yet the same rotten foundation.

 We still care more about "What will the other people say about me/this/that" than actually ourselves, or finding who we are.

 I'm still too stupid young to notice the difference from more points of view. Yet, noticed that it's actually even worse than some years ago.

  More or less pretty much always we, human(wannabe)s, cared about "what others would say..." I remember some just didn't care, but most just wanted others to NOT say, a thing.

 Nowadays, most of us, want others to say. But not just something they want to say. No, no, nope!

 Want them to say what we want to hear them say. If not, well sorry, won't make it. Delete.

 Had this conversation today with a friend and (I) realized how much worse this is going with all the social media. The social media I will use to share these typed thoughts. 

pavlos - vlospa

 

Change

 Chff. Ffh.. Phuphh... Aah. And the change begins. Breath. The first distinct change. Afterwards perception.

 If I'm outside, about everything, especially about nature, how it functions, the satisfaction of its needs and its importance.

 If I'm inside, about everything, especially about human. I think inwards. Body, mind, spirit.

 The spirit pushes the mind to push the body to function. Functionality of the organs, movement of limbs, breathing.

 Healthy body, open mind, clear spirit. Balance! Balance? ...

 Still ain't sure if I should (try to) totally get rid of my ego and all its traits.

 Not that I have succesfully managed it for more than a few times which lasted for small moments only.

 I am unable to understand, in order to explain and write down something that cannot be taught by words. HERE i draw the line between mind and spirit.

Pavlos - vlospa

In the begining there was...

 ...A breath. Breathe. Relax. Focus on your breathing. Open your eyes, then your brain and if you still feel like you should, your mouth. Control your breathing. Close your eyes and listen, let your thoughts be gone, listen. Listen but don't pay attention.

 Put your thoughts in order. Look for the right feeling. Concentrate. Open your eyes and see, without looking. Like a television when you constantly change channels without looking for a meaning.

 Get up. Go out! Take a thirsty deep breath, get lost in some forest or somewhere green. Talk to the plants you might take or replant, listen to the birds, dance in your mind to their song.

 Listen but don't think. Look. Look and imagine! What is everything, for you and all others, for earth, for god/ divine.

 Imagine what everything is and is not and what else it could be instead of what you perceive.


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

no need no name

 It’s been a while. How much is a “while”, a “moment”? Who knows... All that time I was silent, had to deal the voices in my head. It’s ok to hear voices, the problem starts when you discuss with them. So yeah. Silence till they shut up.

 Was thinking about death, again and life of course, again. A friend died and today was a ceremony for him. Although distance between us, personally I think a last goodbye is the least one can and should do.

 We shared time and created moments which gave birth to feelings and their expressing. One should respect those moments and honor those feelings. If they were true, honestly genuine from the bottom of their heart.

 This I guess is what we might be doing here, now, us. Don’t know if we do it well though…
We wander this earth and on our journey meet others and share moments and feelings while wondering what it is we are doing here now, either we know we doing it or no.


Pavlos – vlospa kasbe

We got a winner

 Good day to you too. Back from limbo. It's been a while, huh? Only to cry once I open my eyes again. With what I see, with I (force myself to) face. It's a competition. It's a fight. To win, to lose and to remember, to forget.

  Aaand we go on, fighting (ourselves). Wining and losing, remembering and forgeting, bringing back to life and burying. Born to lose, live to win. So one dies fighting? At what cost does he win? What does he even win?

 One tries to find out who one really is. So damn hard and yet a fog of ego is blocking one's vision. The clearer it gets the more mistaken one sees one's self in the past. Would the child one be proud of who one is now, of who one became? I'm unable to imagine but i fear that, no. So, if no, would it still not be proud if he knew what one knows (sure, not much but still more than when he was a kiddo) now?

 Surgery takes place. Remembering old parts, aspects of one's self and adopting them again. Rejecting current and/or older versions of one. Trying again if maybe now. Maybe one feels now more like one? He feels like oneself? Or is temporary, another mistake until he finds even more knowledge, experiences, opinions ... ?

 That's all. One more question. And of course no answers. Or you think this was all about answers?


Παύλος - vlospa kasbe

we're being sprayed/ it is only natural

 Look up in the sky, in the area between stars and... erm, the ground i guess? That layer, yes. We name it sky. Introduce yourself to the sky. Then feel free to fly. Away. Million milles.

 They say airplanes "spray" us. And we become stupid and more stupid. Become? This means we were earlier not and we became just later, for a reason. Not our fault, of course! No?

 We are stupid. At birth we receive characteristics, DNA, milk and our rightfully inherited stupidity. But again, not our fault, no? Parental mistake most certainly.

 So, naturally we're never at fault. It's allways other people's fault.

 Isn't it only natural?

 But it is our fault that it is other people's fault. Got it? Hold it. Tight!

 I wonder, we were given facts, data and that was all. I mean WHO did RE-evaluate the theories, the history, the laws everything that was presented to us from birth onwards?

 Did you analyze, evaluate and compare your religion, society, laws of physics and/or other sciences and more to others? Well, most us did not. So, did you?

 Of course that is NOT our fault. It's because they spray us from airplanes with the stupidity gas.

 Cheers!


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

I am afraid i won't find all the dots i'd want

 I am afraid. Death. (small pause) And time. And me i guess. In the middle. Being toyed around by those... undescribably huge factors i cannot escape from. Am i not clear yet? Well the storm ain't over, please be patient. 

 I mean to say. I live until i die. Stupidly i used to, subconsciously, believe that this period is what one would call "his time". My time. But i don't own time. Time was way before me. And will be way after me. My lifetime is simply an insignificantly small part of it.

 So... Time exists, i live, i die, time contnues to exist. "Whatcha afraid of scaredy cat?" You'd probably say. I'm afraid of my lifetime. It seems short. Considering how many things there are in this world to experience in any way.

 I'm not a bookworm, there are times i enjoys reading even when i don't understand everything and/or fully. Slightly stoopid, yet day by day lesser and lesser i want to hope. :)
I'm not an adrenaline junkie. But i like stuff. Just imagine a neighbouring country how many things has to offer to your mind. And then imagine further, a continent.

 Just the other day i came across a video of Anthony Hopkins drawing. I mean i like his acting but didn't know he could and hell so good!! So i thought "Who else and what else?" How many people. And how many people i don't know.

 If the world "is a small place"... Then ya realize how small we are? Tiny dots noticed only through microscope. If someone is looking for those dots. So, are you looking for any other dots?


Παύλος - vlospa kasbe

Hide and seek

 For the wrong thing. Find something to look for. Tragically ironic, and even iconic. I mean how does "the self" look like? No need to think it too much. There is no why, there's just what there is, all around. So leave it like that i suggest.

 The self. I mean... What do i actually mean? What could i be meaning? The question "what is the self"? Is it even a question that can be answered? Imagination, memory, guts. Feels like the basic ingredients to uncover the truth, or to be more precise the lies hiding the truth!

 When saying "the self" one would understand one's "ego". Hello no! That it something else, a cover, a fake one. Think about it!

 When i was born, i was born someone, right? Or noone and in the process of life i started to "build" (the someone, the me) who i become? Like, gathering experiences, senses and thoughts, habits, beliefs. Yet, who was i before all that? I mean, take it off, all, everything. Your name, your age and birthplace, your color, your characteristics, your feelings, thoughts, preferations, principals, memories, every thing. What is there left?

 Sounds scary doesn't it? Yet wouldn't you say it's hard to do that? I mean these (among other stuff) is what (we think) makes us who we truely are, right, or maybe no? Maybe that's a cover we slowly and under "guidance" we built to fit in? So who is in a position where he can deny everything, deny "himself" and that it includes?

 I'll get more into it soon, however until then i'll close this door with a question for you (and me of course) to wonder. Are we really looking for that answer or are we trying our best to make it as hard as possible to get that answer?


Παύλος - vlospa kasbe

The skein of worlds

 I consider everyone's world(/planet... check my "planet collision" text before reading this one) as a hair in the skein. All of us are part of this ball that swirls as we unravel the skein. One starts another time, place, way. The huge size of the differences is distinct. But here's where a deep meaning is hidden. An important, universal difference.

 The "how everyone" got to his world/ planet. The "why" he stayed. And other reasons, and other differences. But one fundamental. "It's more possible things are as i say they are, than how the other one says things are". And somehow like that we build. We demolish as well and rarely we even abandon. Reasons, we find, we don't want to accept them and move on. It's that running mill that forces us to go back while we try to move forward.

 Reason. Reason grows stronger by time like cement that dries. Strong foundations, strong shakings by "awareness quakes" and even more in collapsing. Who wouldn't want strong foundations? And who finds reason to abandon the world/ planet he created? Who kills his creation so easily?

 Inability. It's a dice and we're afraid to roll it. We fear the dice as we roll it. Somehow like that we make relations between us. Between our worlds. We have the means to "dive" on into another and with (diving) masks to see and show what we do not keep well hidden. Instead we pick the snorkel and stay on the surface. If for starters we enter the unknown and known waters of others. We're drowning, afraid of choking. And this life? To love only oxygen? Some have only a surface to offer. The depth is missing. It was covered with cement. To step on. To "not fall in". In their worlds obscurity.

 Untravelled. All the worlds took a music note before they start dancing in this universe of ideas. Someone chirruped a joyous melody to guide them like birds in their first flight without unexpected outcomes. And the birds grew up and they got their own little birds. But the melody that was teaching them? The one they listened at. They didn't try. They didn't travel. They stayed there. Worthy of their parents fate. The whole cosmos is a book. Don't stay just in one page no matter how beautiful the content is, esecially, if it's your first then don't make it be your only one and last.

 Youth. In mind, perception. The testing of the sea water! The water is ok, let us dive! No, let us not dive, or at least not too much! More or less that's how we do when our worlds are connected. For whatever the reason. We just walk in the sand. One over another, but it's ok. We don't want to get wet since the water is not good for us. We are sunbathing.

 Insanity. We talk about "insanes" and we lock them in "asylums". We, the "sane ones"... We who govern this absurd world. Very logical. Every "planet"(/ world) with an asterroid's speed is danger, a threat. Better to be put in a cage! Alone in silence. Every "world" unknown and incomprehensible can collide with our world and... Reach it's core! When that happens true insanity begins. There is no core, there won't be one. We create one, and for how long we keep it. But the labeled "insane" has no core. His foundation is his instinct, his mood, whatever catches his attention. Your core and your pulverization are irrelevant to him and usually just a part of the process of the collision. You kill your creation. The one you labeled insane has the blessing to show you the way to kill your creation.

 Ignorance. And drugs with mania. Depression,  trends, apathy, disgust. Addictions, biological and psychological. They have always been. Until we die we're addicted to life. And we choose to add up more addictions. In body and spirit, in our life, in our world in every one's world. And that's an addiction. Why? Damn you time! Flow without me wanting to take a dosage (small/ large) of my addiction. A small dosage of a big life. Your worlds...

 Misunderstanding. No room for it here. Time is bold, absolute. It flows no matter what. It doesn't stop, accelerate or slow down. We want it to pass, we say.. Yet, it passes even if we don't want to or say so. So we either want time to pass quickly or beautifully. Or we just say. I doubt it. I'm kinda sure for the other two things. (1) Who wants to avoid beautiful moments, who doesn't want them to last for hours more? (2) And who doesn't want to avoid bad moments, who would not want them to be just a few, if he had to have some of them? People, change, leave, get lost and become forgotten. And you and me in time.. We have to tolerate that. Even if we try to remember it. It's not me who says so. It's time who asks so.

 Guide signs. Like signs some stationary and stoic represent the guides in the creation and the sequense of this world. Imperious and dusty, some forgoten, some ghosts in the streets that are inaccessible long time and/or they never even existed in the first place. And the moron is there. In the same directions. Wherever he was told, he went.. To gather goods to create his world (/planet). Following the signs. Others as well went. So many worlds they built, they must know something. From worlds, building, manipulation?

 Give me this dance! The amusement park is larger. The bumper cars are now planets, human planets in a celebration. And the collision? Joy! Because bloods are trendy, we just need to watch. Take my hand and keep it. Let everything else because the impact takes what you keep well hidden. It throws it on the surface and then you choose. You drown it or you keep it alive? The universe of ideas isn't preserved by only one living organism.


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

Planet collision

 Real, fair, good, right. Don't exist!
Realy what's reality, and
realy what's real?
What is, or what we name?

 I consider reality what is happening to us and we are aware of it (fully) or not, we interpret it or not and it will continue to happen, as it did happen before, either we were aware of it or not. Our world is full of such functions. The whole set of these natural functions/ laws of physics, chemisrty and other sciences is what i call reality.

 I consider truth every sincere thought, expression or feeling, word (speech), act. When responding sincerely to something that (later you realize that) you don't know, what does that make truth end up as, if not as a lie? Or when acting hasty? Depending on the point of view truth differs. The "truths" we create and believe in until we transform them into functions/ rules of this world is what i consider truth.

 I don't exclude that there could be/ could have been a parallel reality.
I exclude the possibility that  in a conversation about human, humanism, religions, politics, nations, economy, etc even one of the debaters would be fully aware of the differences between what he calls real and reality. As well as! The point of the conversation is who is right. None.

 Everything we know touches us in some way, every thing we learn since childhood and we do it scheduled (subconsiously, like habbit), every thing we've been told and we haven't confirmed (data) we call all that truth. The cause of the expression/ thought/ act of us is our faith in our infallibility. Being certain about our certainty. I think or i do something because i believe it and likewise because i believe in something i think and do something. Everyone's truth is what suits him (me, now for example). The truth that suits him, the truth he wants to believe that only that is and it is not wrong, the truth he can imagine.

 And what is good? For me, for you, for who, for anyone, for everyone? That as well differs just like the faces and the opinions of people. Something good for you might equal with something bad for one other.

 Fair? It doesn't exist, just like truth, doesn't. Maybe few aspects, but that's all. Further on utopia is burried. I created it, i buried it. What is fair? Depending on the point of view of the observer and the beliefs of one or another, fair varies. There's nothing fair in this world. Watch the jungle. That's how it goes, that's how it's done. It doen't matter why. What matters is how much it affects you.

 Right. What's right? Once again it differs depending on the person. What right and wrong? And for who?

 Truth, fair, good, right and rest nice names to sum up, i deny them. (being calm) There's just life and what life includes. Since truth, fair, good and right vary and differ depending on the person and his principals/ beliefs/ fears and hopes and his life (and the way he has lived it) i do not accept one unique and absolute rule. Only interpretations based on our certainty and our will to avoid sorrow in the realization THAT THINGS ARE NOT AS WE THINK THEY ARE.

 Everthing is a show of stubborn people and their subconscious (now habbit, after prcatising it so long) avoidance of the acceptance that nothing is as we think all is.

 So our world is full of "truths", "goods", rights" and "fairs". A change may never come or it can come but slowly slowly. And every "good" change is because of (in our personal opinion) our truth, our beliefs, principals etc. Every bad change is because of (in our personal opinion) the bad, ugly, wrong, unfair etc, influence of others.

 Do you realy think you can define "right" a reality fair and good for all living organisms? (our planet, all, the whole universe itself, can be considered a living organism). If yes, then it's not perfect (the reality), (as nothing in this world), i inform you, either there's something you have not looked for, or something will have changed soon or with the pass of time. Something that you can not calculate now.

 Everthing that unites us humans has a name and/ or symbol, it includes its truths, its fair(s), its good(s) and its right(s). Nations, religions, systems of government, economies. Yet, no one nowhere so far has been able to be simultaneously fair, good, right and be saying the truth. That's one truth, a sad one as well if it interests you, but if not? It remains a fact that awaits to be discovered/ confirmed by the people.

 Every set of ideas, impressions and convictions, every principal, every belief, every fear, every hope, every judgement, contains a set of truths, fair(s), good and right acts. Whole planets/ worlds. We all disagree between us. In something, in anything, in everything. Planets colliding. It's an obvious fact, even if it's metaphorically a fact, but obvious litelally. In idea, expression, arguement, conflict, war.

 We are small planets colliding with each other every day consiously or not, willingly and not, on purpose and not. Other times we accept it. Other times the others accept it. Bumper cars in an amusement park, we travel happily in the space we know and collide. Rarely one accepts to abandon his world. We move like in the streets of downtown Athens drivers. All sorts of drivers. Jungle.

 Our world looks like a big skein of long hair. You can catch one, anyone, and from there you start unroll the skein with a base the theory that everything moves around that hair. You can say that all has to do with need. Or with fear, with hope. Everything has to do with beauty, strength, survival or that just everthing just has to do with everything. Of course the fact that you can give an interpretation, from them or the others, doesn't make the interpretetion a fact.

 All i have writen so far prove that this text as well is an idea. A set of blah, blah, fair, right, good, real, blah, blah... If i'm right, fair, if i tell/write things well and if i write the truth, is something that doesn't interest me. As i explained above, i don't believe anymore in them. And if you, minority of the minority (minority of the people that read my texts and minority among these people who agrees) as you will have noticed we are not unique. First because even the idea of this text contains the set i mentioned. Second because it might be just as i'm thinking. Either you thought of it first or not, we are not unique. Not yet.

 Unique for me are those who collide their planet head on fearlessly with other worlds/planets for no serious reason, but just because they got in their way. Because they don't turn their backs at what's happening. That wonderful moment is when they step on the one planet/world that unites us all, the one we step on. And that moment where the others step on the same world with these unique ones. Many times like scaredy cats because we don't understand them we call them "absurd, insane! Hmph! Rubish!"
It's funny... Rats calling others rubish...


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

Κάτι πάει τραγικά στραβά

 Κι αυτό αγαπητοί είναι η πορεία σας. Αναφέρομαι στη μερίδα πολιτών του Δήμου Βύρωνα που άλλη έννοια δεν έχει, το κολυμβητήριο τη μάρανε. Δηλαδή πριν από δαύτο πως την παλεύανε? Δε τη παλέυανε θα μου πεις, ούτε τώρα κι ίσως ούτε ποτέ τους.

 Ακόλουθοι της highλας που εισήγαγε με τρομερή επιτυχία ο προηγούμενος Δήμαρχος Νίκος Χαρδαλιάς που προσπαθούν α ν'ανέβουν όσο πιό ψηλά μπορούν πέφτοντας όσο πιο χαμηλά γίνεται.

 Το κολυμβητήριο το αναγνωρίζω σαν απωθημένο του βυρωνιώτη πολίτη μιάς και πλέον έχω ξεχάσει πριν πόσα χρόνια ... "ξεκίνησε"(?) και παρά τα πόσα εγκαίνια ακόμα τζίφος. Αλλά εκείνα τα χρόνια κυρίες και κύριοι, αγαπητό κοινό σ'αυτή την παράσταση, ήταν "αλλιώς". Πέρα απ'το σαφώς μεγαλύτερο ποσοστό άγνοιας μου από τώρα, ήταν κι η κατάσταση καλύτερη.

 Πλέον, ήδη καιρό τώρα δηλαδή, δεν είναι το κολυμβητήριο που χρειαζόμαστε. Σίγουρα το θέλουμε και δικαιούμαστε να το θέλουμε, μα δεν είναι αυτό που χρειαζόμαστε.

 Αλλά είναι η πορεία μας στραβή. Πρέπει να κάνουμε λίγο άστεγοι για να καταλάβουμε τι ΘΑ ΕΠΡΕΠΕ να είναι στη θέση του ΓΑΜΩ κολυμβητηρίου σας. Γαμώ την πουτάνα σας. (κάνει ρίμα και δε κρατήθηκα είναι η επιρροή των ράπερ φίλων μου μάλλον)

 Πρέπει να γράψω δηλαδή τι πιστεύω πως θα έπρεπε να γίνει στη θέση του?
Όχι? Χαίρομαι.
Ναι? Πέρνα να παραλάβεις το βραβείο σου "κατ'επιλογήν ηλίθιος της χρονιάς".
Δεν είμαι απόλυτος και δε σηκώνω κουβέντα πάνω σ'αυτό! ;Ρ

 Οπότε, τι λέτε θα ξεστραβωθείτε πλέον να σταματήσω κι εγώ να σας βλέπω σα καρτούν? Η φτώχεια θέλει καλοπέραση κι ο πεινασμένος ύπνο για να ονειρεύεται καρβέλια. Αν τύχει και φτάσει κανείς μέχρι την παραπάνω γραμμή δε θα καταλάβει πόσο εύστοχα περιέγραψα τον τρόπο σκέψης/ πράξης του δίχως να τον γνωρίζω προσωπικά.

Αντιός αμίγκος. Τα λέμε όταν τα πιούμε!


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Ένα δώρο που δε χάνεται

 Βρίσκουμε, χάνουμε. Δίνουμε, παίρνουμε. Δώρο. Στιγμές. Μία πληθώρα βιωμάτων και συναισθημάτων. Συναλλαγή. Με τον εγκέφαλο και τους συνανθρώπους μας. Κοκτέιλ αισθήσεων.

 Βίωμα. Το να ζήσουμε τη ζωή, τις στιγμές της, μόνοι μα και μαζί με άλλους. Να συναισθανθούμε και να μοιραστούμε. Θαύμα! Ή μήπως έτσι (θα έπρεπε να) είναι η πραγματικότητα?

 Δίνουμε και παίρνουμε. Μα δε φαίνεται! Κάτι ζωντανό που καλλιεργείται μέσα μας. Το συντηρούμε, το εκτρέφουμε ή το σκοτώνουμε, το ξεχνάμε και το θάβουμε. Ο χρόνος περνάει, μα το βίωμα και συναισθήματα που δημιούργησε και μοιραστήκαμε μένουν.

 Στη μνήμη μας κάτι παραμένει (και περιμένει). Μία ζωηρή εικόνα, ένας έντονος ήχος, μία μυρωδιά, μία θαυμάσια γεύση, ένα άγγιγμα. Το βίωμα μεγάλωσε, ενηλικιώθηκε, κι έγινε ανάμνηση. Ένα θαυμάσιο δώρο!

 Το δώρο αυτό δε χάνεται. Πραγματικά! Κι ακόμα κι αν χαθεί κάποτε γνωρίζουμε άνα πάσα στιγμή που είναι κρυμμένο, χαμένο. 


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Αναζήτηση

 Αρχικά, αναζητούμε. Εξηγήσεις. Νέα ερωτήματα και πάλι εξηγήσεις. Υλικά. Καταστάσεις. Ανθρώπους.

 Ανέκαθεν, έτσι λειτουργούσαμε. Αναζητούμε ό,τι μας έλειψε στην παιδική μας ηλικία, ή μας λείπει, χρειαζόμαστε ή/ και θέλουμε, τώρα! Πρώτη αναζήτηση είναι η απόκτηση.

 Μα και μετά απ'την εύρεση η αναζήτηση δε σταματά. Έπειτα αναζητούμε τη διατήρηση. Θέλουμε να διατηρήσουμε ό,τι (μοχθήσαμε να αποκτήσουμε ή ακόμη κι αν το έχουμε εξ'αρχής θα μοχθήσουμε να το βρούμε εαν το χάσουμε) αποκτήσαμε ώστε να μη χρειαστεί να το αναζητήσουμε, πάλι.

 Ύστερα, όταν επιτευχθεί κι η διατήρηση, αναζητούμε τη βελτίωση. 

 Πάντοτε κάτι θα μας λείπει, το (ανα)γνωρίζουμε, ή όχι. Πάντοτε κάτι αναζητούμε το γνωρίζουμε ή όχι. Ακόμα κι όταν έχουμε αναζητήσει καθετί, ακόμα κι αν το αποκτήσαμε, το διατηρήσαμε και το βελτιώσαμε, πάλι κάτι θα αναζητήσουμε. Ίσως το να χάσουμε ό,τι αποκτήσαμε, για να το εκτιμήσουμε στο τέλος.

 Παρότι τίποτα δεν είναι δικό μας σ'αυτόν τον κόσμο, οφείλουμε να το χάσουμε, να ζήσουμε, πάλι ή για πρώτη φορά, χωρίς αυτό, για να θυμηθούμε (ή να δούμε) τη ζωή μας δίχως εκείνο.

 Ακόμη κι όταν τα αποκτήσουμε, διατηρήσουμε και βελτιώσουμε όλα, θα αναζητήσουμε το τίποτα, να τα χάσουμε όλα. Συνειδητά και μη.

 Ώστε, πάλι, ν'αναζητήσουμε. Ό,τι δεν έχουμε, πιά (ή ακόμα και δε το γνωρίζουμε). Την αναζήτηση.


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 For starters we search. For explanations. New questions and again, new explanations. Materials. Situations. Humans.

 We have always done (/functioned) that (way). We search what we were deprived of in our childhood, or we miss, need or/and want, now! First search is acquirement. 

 But even after acquirement our search doesn't stop. Afterwards we search maintaining (prolonging). We want to preserve what we (struggled to acquire, or even if we have had it since the beginning we will struggle to re-acquire if we'd lose it) acquired, so we will not have to search for it, again.

 After maintaining is accomplished, we search for improvement.

 We will always miss something, whether we (know/) recognise it or not. We are always searching for something knowingly and/ or not. Even if we have searched for all (there is), even if we acquired, maintained and improved it, again, we will search for something. Maybe that will be losing what we acquired, so we will appreciate it in the end.

 Despite nothing being ours in this world, we owe to lose it, to live, again, or for the first time, without it, to remember (or to see) our life without it.

 Even if we acquire all (there is to), maintain and improve, we will search for nothingness, to lose it all, consciously and not.

 So that we can once more search. For whatever it is we don't have, anymore (or yet and we just don't know it). The search.


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe

Γλυκιά μου άγνοια

 Στερνή μου γνώση να σε είχα πρώτα. Γλυκιά μου άγνοια να σε είχα πάλι ξανά. Τι παράξενο! Θέλουμε τη γνώση νωρίτερα, μα και την άγνοια αργότερα. Η γνώση είναι σαν έπαθλο, σαν μία πληγή που επουλώνεται. Κι η άγνοια? Ένα συνοθύλευμα αισθήσεων απροσδιόριστων.

 Η ζωή είναι ταξίδι. Ίσως λάβουμε τις απαντήσεις μας στον προορισμό μας, τον θάνατο. Επιθυμούμε να φτάσουμε στον προορισμό μας, μα όχι να πεθάνουμε. Ή ίσως κι όχι! Αναζητούμε απαντήσεις, μα εκείνες αποφέρουν κι άλλα ερωτήματα. Κι οι απαντήσεις δεν είναι συχνά αυτές που θέλουμε, νομίζουμε, πιστεύουμε ή και μπορούμε να καταλάβουμε και να αποδεχτούμε.

 Το κουκούλι της άγνοιας είναι κάτι απ'το οποίο συνήθως ξεφεύγουμε με τον ένα ή τον άλλο τρόπο. Κι είναι απίθανο να επιστρέψουμε εκεί. Είναι η φύση μας ή η φύση των απαντήσεων που μας ωθεί στην αναζήτηση της άγνοιας? Είναι η αθώα αφέλεια της (άγνοιας) ή η αβάσταχτη συνειδητοποίηση που ακολουθεί τις απαντήσεις?

 Η χαρά του γνωρίζεις, ξανά, η σιγουριά του να νομίζεις. Στο ταξίδι ευχαριστιόμαστε τη διεργασία, το ταξίδι το ίδιο, κι ο προορισμός? Ένα έπαθλο κι αυτός, γλυκόπιρκο κι απόλυτο. Ένα έπαθλο που δύσκολα ξεφορτώνεται κανείς, του αρέσει δε του αρέσει.


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Παύση (press pause)

 Η γη γυρνά, ο κόσμος κινείται, η μουσική που συνέθεσα και συνήθισα παίζει.
Μα ξαφνικά παύση, διερώτηση, σοκ. Ή με διαφορετική σειρά. Παύση! Η γη σταματά να γυρνά, ο κόσμος να κινείται, η μουσική να παίζει. Μόνο οι στροφές στο κεφάλι μου κι οι προβληματισμοί μου.

 Η αμφιβολία για τα δεδομένα, η απορία για τα πεπραγμένα. Ψευδή ή αληθή, σωστά ή εσφαλμένα. Τι είναι εδώ, γιατί είναι εδώ, πως είναι εκεί, που είναι αλλού, τι και ποιός είμαι εγώ, πως είμαι εγώ, γιατί είμαι εγώ, γιατί είμαι εδώ.

 Τι είναι φυσιολογικό, τι είναι αλήθεια, ποιός και με βάση "τι" τα όρισε αυτά?

 Παύση στην παύση, και παρατήρηση. Σταματώ να σταματάω κι απλά παρατηρώ. Παρατηρώ, κρίνω, αξιολογώ, επαληθεύω,διαψεύδω, ονειρεύομαι, κοιτώ ξανά. Μία παράσταση κι εγώ θεατής, ανακριτής. Ανάβω τη λάμπα και στοχεύω κεφάλι, να προκαλέσω ζάλη και μία ασταμάτητη ροή πραγματιτκότητας. Ρίχνω φως στο σκοτάδι της άγνοιας, περνώ τη λογική ως τα σύνορα της παράνοιας κι ό,τι ακολουθεί.

 Υπάρχει τέλος, υπάρχει αρχή? Ή μία ασταμάτητη αέναη ροή? Επανεκίνηση κατά το πέρας του τέλους, πριν την αρχή της αρχής.


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Χάπι νιού γ(κ)ίαρ

 Χρόνος είναι και περνά. Γερνά. Δεν έχει κι άλλη επιλογή. Άλλοτε εύκολα, άλλοτε δύσκολα και δυσκοίλια, περνά ο μπαγάσας. Άνθρωποι είμαστε κι έχουμε τη δυνατότητα αλλαγής, βελτίωσης, εξέλιξης κι αντιστρόφως μ'όλα τα αρνητικά κι ίσως κι άλλα τόσα. ΔΥΝΑΤΟΤΗΤΑ, ξαναγράφω.

 "Ω!Νέε χρόνε, ερχόμενος φέρε μαζί σου..."
Υγεία, αγάπη, ευτυχία συν μία λίστα για το σούπερ μάρκετ.
 "Ω!Παλιέ χρόνε φεύγοντας πάρε τα σκουπίδια και τον πούλο και..."

 Έχω αφιερώσει μεγάλο μέρος της, μεγάλης (...), ζωής μου στην κατανόηση της ανθρώπινης βλακείας που έχει πάψει να μας δέρνει και μας βγάζει στεγνά νοκ-άουτ πλέον δίχως ιδιαίτερο κόπο.

 Μόνο 1 ερώτηση καταφέρνω να αρθρώσω.
Ο νέος χρόνος είναι κάτι σαν ντελίβερυ Άη-Βασίλης για άϋλες επιθυμίες του υλιστή ανθρώπου?

 Ούτε 1 απάντηση δεν έχω λάβει. Ίσως απ'το 2016 ζητήσω να φέρει αυτήν την απάντηση, απελπίζομαι, απελπίζομαι. Με τους συνανθώπους μου. 

 Αισθάνομαι σα να βλέπω απ'το παράθυρο δέντρα να μεταφυτεύονται. Ανθρώπους άκαμπτους, μουδιασμένους, υπνωτισμένους, λιπόθυμους, νεκρούς να μεταφέρονται σε νέα σημεία, στέκια.

 Όλοι θέλουν αλλαγή μα κανείς να αλλάξει, όλοι θέλουν δράση μα κανείς να κινηθεί.

 Σηκωθείτε, έφθασε η βασιλόπιτα! Σε ποιον άραγε θα πέσει το φλουρί? Θα του πέσει στο κεφάλι μπας και ξυπνήσει? Θα του πέσει στο πάτωμα να επιστρέψει στο επίπεδο του? Θέλω να πλάσω ένα τεράστιο φλουρί και μέσα του να θάψω και να κηδέψω μία βασιλόπιτα, χωρίς φλουρί.

Για να κλείσω θα προσπαθήσω να δώσω ένα νόημα (ίσως και 2 αν είμαι ικανός).
Στις ευχές έχουμε όλοι δικαίωμα. Στις απαιτούμενες πράξεις για μεταμόρφωση -πεταλούδας- της ευχής σε πραγματικότητα, έχουμε όμως λίγοι την υποχρέωση. Κι είναι για εμάς. Εσείς που κοιμάστε κι εσείς που ονειρεύεστε συνεχίστε ακάθεκτοι.

Παύλος - vlospa kasbe

Τα πρόσωπα των προβλημάτων μου

 Τους έδωσα πρόσωπα, και τα έβγαλα βόλτα. 

 Άνοιξα την εφημερίδα και διάβασα για την φτώχια και την πείνα των συνανθρώπων μου, καταραμένοι πολιτικοί. Νευρίασα. Κάπνισα 2-3 τσιγάρα με τον καφέ μου, ηρέμησα.

 Άνοιξα την τηλεόραση κι είδα ένα ντοκιμαντέρ για την καταστροφή του φυσικού μας περιβάλοντος, καταραμένοι υλιστές. Τσαντίστηκα. Άραξα στον καναπέ και κοιμήθηκα ένα διωράκι, χαλάρωσα.

 Άνοιξα τον υπολογιστή κι είδα ένα βίντεο για την ενδοοικογενειακή βία, καταραμένοι άνθρωποι. Εξοργίστηκα. Έκανα έρωτα στο ταίρι μου, ξεχάστηκα.

 Βγήκα έξω στο δρόμο κι είδα αδέσποτα βασανισμένα ζώα, καταραμένοι αναίσθητοι κι ανεύθηνοι τέρατα, άνθρωποι. Στεναχωρήθηκα. Πήγα για ένα εσπρεσσάκι, όλα καλά.

 Παρακάτω στην πλατεία, είδα να την πέφτουν σε μετανάστες, καταραμένοι ρατσιστές. Τα'χασα. Πήγα μιά βόλτα στα μαγαζιά, τα βρήκα.

 Πέρασα απ'το πάρκο κι είδα χρήστες ηρωίνης, καταραμένη κοινωνία. Λυπήθηκα. Λίγο πιό δίπλα, ήπια έναν μπάφο, ξέφυγα.

 Είδα παιδιά στα φανάρια να πουλάνε χαρτομάντηλα, καταραμένοι άνθρωποι. Ξενέρωσα. Πήγα μία βόλτα με το αμάξι μου, είδα τα πράματα αλλιώς.

 Επέστρεψα σπίτι μου, με κοίταξα στον καθρέφτη. Δεν είμαι το πρόσωπο των προβλημάτων. Είμαι άλλο ένα πρόσωπο εκείνων που δημιουργούν τα προβλήματα αυτά.

 Απάθεια, αμάθεια, άρνηση αμφιβολίας, αποφυγή ευθυνών, εθελοτυφλία, αυταπάτες, σιγουριά στο αλάθητο, απαξίωση επαναξιολόγησης, απώθηση τύψεων, απάθεια. Απάθεια!

Παύλος - vlospa kasbe