Words to describe what can't be described in words.

In what language where our first thoughts?
How can I talk (about) the forgotten language?
Those silent conversations.
Moments of realisations.

So there was "I", and I was there too. Diving into the deepest trance so far.
Till I start losing/forgetting my senses. Taste, smell, hearing, touch and sight.
"I" was getting weaker. Then I let go of my strongest bonds.
And "I" disappeared. There was no Pavlos. That was just a name.
Less. There was no such sensation of having a body.
And my bonds? The separation at least, is an illusion. 
There was no Pavlos, so there were no bonds. Or everyone was Pavlos, or I was everyone.
Call it all is one, call it I am you. Call it as it suits you.
All the words in this text are for you. About it. But for you.

I could not (and didn't need to) see. It felt like. floating, dark blue, steam/smoke, consciousness.
Until I saw 2.
1. My body in an insane asylum, me all happy, but beyond connection with anything and anyone in this world. 1 person talking with a doctor saying "He is gone" and I could feel the small and short sadness in the person. I could also see and feel the large amount of happiness in and around my body.
2. My body's funeral. Being buried, small funeral, just like the amount of sadness surrounding the few attendants. However whatever/ whomever they were crying for, that was happy. I still felt happiness.

Then back to the dark blue steam floating consciousness.
Had a silent conversation, a tour.
Felt like "This is the afterlife". I got to the point, of realising "so that was it", and I smiled.
A silent invisible nod, confirmed my realisation.
"Would you go back, who would go back?", I was silently asked. A bit mockingly.
And I saw parts of my life. Periods that felt like moments.
"I'll go back for a while". And I smiled again.

I was happy.
No! This is not enough, not accurate enough.
I was happiness?
No. Still not enough..
There was happiness.
No. Close enough though.
I was happiness and there was no I.
This feels like it.

I came to my senses and my mouth was open (felt like it was quite some time, but I understood nothing) and dry, breathing felt as if someone "brought me to life".

Attempting to put in words something predating words and exceeding them. Something not experienced with means that give the stimuli perceived by our senses. So how can it be put into words, or pictures?
Unfair. Impossible. Poetry?


Pavlos - vlospa kasbe.